Stephen found out on Friday, his first day with his new National Guard unit, that they would be deploying next September. So now his weekend warrior deal will be UTA-6s or UTA-8s (All day Friday-Sunday or Thursday-Sunday) and next August he’ll have AT (Annual Training) for three weeks and then he’ll be home for one week before departing for his Mob station for deployment. This deployment means a few things.

1. Dublin will be 15 months old when he leaves and will be almost 2 and a half when he returns.
2. His unit is an artillery unit, which means he’ll be doing combat this go-around.
3. Dublin and I will be moving back to Vermont for the year or so he’s gone, to be around all of his and my family.
4. He’s excited. He enjoyed both of his last two tours to Iraq and has kind of yearned to go back.
5. Baby number two plans have been put on hold indefinitely.
6. Though I knew this was coming, it’s a little bit of a sinking feeling.

The sinking feeling has more to do with Dublin than anything. I grew up on Treasure Island, California which is a now-defunct Naval base. My mom tried her best to familiarize me with my father while he was away, on his tours. She’d point my father out in all the photos she had of him, which were mostly him in his uniform. Since we lived on a base, whenever we’d leave our little house and walk around the neighborhood, I’m told that I would point to every seaman in uniform and exclaim “daddy!”

I recovered okay, of course and have fond early memories of my dad’s elaborate reunion home, walking aboard the USS Enterprise (yes, the one from Top Gun!). But I can’t help but worry about Dublin handling the whole situation. As I mentioned in point 3, we will be spending his entire deployment in Vermont. It’s a lot of change for a child so young, so I’m worried to how he’ll adjust, especially since Steve is the clear “favorite” parent in our house. There’s just no point in us staying in Idaho for that duration, away from our family and friends. Dublin deserves a chance to get to know his family. I’m going to do my best at reminding Dublin of his father all the time, but pictures are no substitute for the real thing, you know?

The unit Stephen has transferred into is an artillery unit, which was different than his prior engineers unit. While in Iraq, with his former unit, they built a bunch of buildings and he maintained the heavy vehicles. But this unit will be more infantry; he’ll be more involved with heavy shooting. Maybe it’s weak of me or maybe I am unpatriotic, but that scares me. I can’t help it. He still has a few long term injuries from his last tour. He had a piece of shrapnel lodged in his eye and his back is forever messed up from carrying heavy packs and jumping out of tall machinery carrying said packs. He’s supposed to have that worked on at some point, but he uses electrodes for the moment to help rebuild the muscle in his lower back.

Which brings me to my fifth point. We had talked about trying for baby number two sometime later next year, after Dublin’s first birthday, but there is absolutely no way I can be pregnant, with a toddler, living out of a suitcase of sorts in Vermont, while he’s away. I had a complicated pregnancy with Dublin and my team of doctors predicted further pregnancies would have similar complications. Steve was my major support during my hospitalizations and I don’t think I could do it again without him.

I realize all of this is rather self-centered and I’m sorry for that. Simultaneously, I have a feeling of ease over me about him leaving. I know that the Middle East is not as dangerous as it was before. And Steve is excited about going. So I feel better knowing that he’s leaving on a good note. He enjoyed his two tours before and is more than ready to return, especially with the guys in his new unit who he dubs a bunch of badasses. Naturally, that’s a relief. And I’m very proud of him, proud that he’s excited to serve our family, our country, in a hostile environment. That’s honorable. I supported my husband in his decision to reenlist for another six years this past spring. His plan is to continue until he can retire, so I know, for certain, that there will be several deployments in our future, as long as there is conflict in our world.

So really, it’s okay. I’m proud to have a husband who enjoys serving for our country, a husband who has already spent nearly 7 years in the National Guard and is looking at another 18 or so more. But I married the guy because I like having him around; I will miss the hell out of him.

Besides, while he’s deployed, I have the go-ahead to visit all my favorite bloggers (or BLIGGERS!). That’s my husband’s super generous way of telling me to take a break and not worry so much and meet all of you wonderful people.

So on that note, any couches I can crash, friends?