Emerging from under the rock…

You know, the rock I’ve been seemingly living under for the last three months? Yeah. Well I forget that twitter is not my blog and I have readers who regularly check my blog for new posts, not knowing (because they’re not twitterers) that I blab so much via twitter or Facebook.

A bit of an update is required, right?

Stephen came home nearly four weeks ago and spent exactly two weeks at home, driving me insane, before starting his new job, a job he loves very much. He gets to weld and build things like ramps and repair industrial vacuums and other things that boys tinker with. It’s great for him, because I think the kids started driving him a bit crazy after a few days of being home with them 24/7.

Really, it’s been an adjustment period for us ALL. Just the other day, I set the alarm on my iPod Touch to wake us up to the “Alarm” sound. Those of you who have iPod Touches or iPhones probably know what sound I’m talking about, right? Well, imagine my shock when, at 5:45, that particular alarm sounds and launches my husband off the bed. In Iraq, that sound is what they play to warn of incoming mortars. YEAH. Wife of the Year!

In some ways I’m surprised how well we’re doing now that Stephen is working again. It’s weird for him, after spending a year sharing a room with another dude and being responsible for himself, his soldiers and his HEMTT wrecker. No kids to play with, diaper, feed, bathe. No wife to tend to, no womanly feet to massage…you get what I’m saying, right? Stephen was, every day, in a situation where he needed to constantly be on alert, looking at the sides of the road for danger, aiming a M240 at suspicious vehicles as a way to intimidate them to back off. And the next week, he’s in charge of wiping thick white Desitin on a baby’s bottom? Basically a whole different world. But he’s doing really, really great. Fingers crossed!

The boys are loving having daddy home. Looooooving. Roman said his first word tonight (he’s a late talker, obviously) and it was…(dun dun dunnn)…DADA. Thanks, kid.

Let’s be honest. We are ALL loving having him home with us again.

Nearly four months later…

I’m pretty lame, y’all. I mean, I ask for your advice. You all deliver amazing recommendations. And then? I fall off the earth for nearly FOUR MONTHS. I think that’s when most people commit blog suicide. But I’m back! Or, rather, my blog is.

I forget that the world doesn’t revolve around me sometimes and that a lot of my loyal readers don’t follow me on twitter (do NOT blame you there, friends!), so I’m going to do a quick recap here, before I throw up a ton of “My husband came home from Iraq for two weeks and it was UH-MAZING!!!!!!!!!” posts, packed with photos and video.

So, to catch you up to speed:

• My husband came home, as just mentioned! For two weeks! It was pretty spectacular. Dublin couldn’t let Daddy out of his sight for the entire two weeks, even going so far as to sob (violently) whenever Stephen walked out the door, even for a moment. Post about those two weeks coming soon. I pinky swear.
• Backing up a LOT, I went to Virginia for two weeks to visit my best friend, Sona. We had an awesome, awesome time, right up until Roman had a horrifying apnea episode, landing us in the ER for eight hours. He’s okay, now, thankfully, but let me just say, seeing your child’s lips turn blue is the scariest thing EVER.
• I started school. I’m getting my certificate as a pharmacy technician and wow, you guys? Medicine is kind of intense. I’m sitting here with my Mosby’s Dictionary and Math Calculations for Pharmacy Technicians workbook and it’s hitting me that I kind of need to do actual math. Which I haven’t done in…seven years. Setting myself up for success, AM I RIGHT?
• Dublin, at 25 months, weighs 35lbs and is 37 inches long. That’s a big baby, you guys. And his pediatrician measured his head three times, finally admitting that his head circumference is 100th percentile. She doesn’t know any other child in her practice with that large of a head, for his age. WHAT?
• Roman was 4th percentile when he was born (six weeks early), but now? He’s nearly 80th for weight, 90th for height. That’s nuts! His head, like his brother’s, is also ridiculously large (99th percentile).
• What does this all mean? It means I am definitely done birthing children, because I did it twice, with no pain meds (on accident! I wanted them!), and large heads are not something I look forward to pushing out again.
• I recently sold a few photos to the National Geographic! A company that produces documentaries for the NG found some photos in my flickr stream they wanted, so they contacted me for use of the photos in print and in their video. I’m excited!
• This deployment is nearing its end. We have less than three months left in this, and I know we can do it, but damn, it is HARD.  Saying goodbye to my husband again on Wednesday was difficult, and I’m still struggling. This isn’t my husband’s first deployment, but compared to his last one, this is definitely much more difficult on him. His last deployment (18 months in Iraq, 2005-2006), he was essentially single. Iraq was a scarier place then, and that deployment really affected him, changed him. But going back, as a husband and father, has definitely taken its toll on him. My husband is far from an emotional man, but I could see the feeling in his eyes, sense his agitation at having to return to Iraq. It made it harder, at the airport, knowing I was sending him to a place he hates.
• I don’t drink coffee, never have. But every morning lately has me craving for something delicious and caffeinated. I’m too impatient to wait for tea to steep and hot cocoa costs me too many WW points. What to do?!

Anyway, that’s what’s up with me, in a nutshell. I’m hoping to upload our homecoming video to youtube to post here shortly, and to blog all about those two glorious weeks. For now, I have four weeks of school to catch up on. See what I mean about my success with school?!

2010: A Year in Review

1. What did you do in 2010 that you’d never done before?
I gave birth prematurely and said goodbye to my husband for his deployment.

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I’m pretty sure I wanted to lose weight and since I went and got knocked up, I didn’t keep that resolution. This year, I’m determined to FINALLY lose the weight and regain my confidence. DETERMINED.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
A lot of lovely internet friends did, but the closest person was probably my cousin, Crystal. She had a very scary delivery and nearly died after her uterus came out with the baby, but she’s doing great now.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
Stephen’s great-grandfather, but I’d never met him so no.

5. What countries did you visit?
None. I’m a loser!

6. What would you like to have in 2011 that you didn’t have in 2010?
A fitter body and more financial stability.

7. What dates from 2010 will be etched upon your memory, and why?
September 21st – When Steve “officially” deployed, November 7th – When Roman was born, and November 9th – When I said goodbye to Stephen, again.

8. What was your biggest achievement of this year?
It’s a toss up between giving birth and dealing with Steve’s departure, especially since they both happened within 48 hours of one another. That was a really, really, hard week.

9. What was your biggest failure?
Finding and securing mature tenants.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
I had an e.coli infection in August that put me in the ER overnight, but other than that, nothing worse than a cold.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
Our laptops. I bought them when I cashed out an old retirement account from a previous job and wanted Stephen to have one with him overseas. They’ve really been amazing for us.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Roman’s. His triumph in the NICU was incredible.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
My tenants’.

14. Where did most your money go?
Rent, groceries and travel (from Idaho to Vermont). I also spent a ton on formula ($500 during one month) and postage costs ($170 for December alone).

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Going to New Orleans to see Stephen on his four day pass. Go figure my water would break 5 hours before my flight was supposed to depart.

16. What song will always remind you of 2010?
I know everyone hates Nickelback for some inexplicable reason, but their song “Far Away” really reminds me of 2010 and will remind me of 2011, too.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you: a) happier or sadder? b) thinner or fatter? c) richer or poorer?
a) both, same as last year b) same as last year c) richer

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Probably focus more on a number of things. Photography, my husband, freelance, etc.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Stress. The first three and last five months of 2010 were loaded with stress and part of me still worries that all that stress caused Roman’s premature birth.

20. How did you spend Christmas?
We opened presents the night before with my in-laws (Steve’s dad, stepmom, and brother) and went next door to my FIL’s parents’ house for supper.

21. Did you fall in love with 2010?
Yes. I fall more in love every year with my family.

22. What was your favorite TV program?
DEXTER! Or the Office!

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
I wouldn’t say hate, but I have a STRONG DISLIKE for this person.

24. What was the best book you read?
Water for Elephants, although it was also the only book I read.

25. What was your greatest musical discovery?
I started listening to more Dropkick Murphys, but it wasn’t a discovery, necessarily.

26. What did you want and get?
After a few weeks in the NICU, my baby home with me.

27. What did you want and not get?
More quality time with Dublin. With the move and Roman’s premature birth…I just don’t feel like I had enough one-on-one time with him.

28. What was your favorite film of 2010?
I didn’t really go to the movies, except to see the Twilight Saga: Eclipse…so I don’t think that counts.

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I was 24 and I spent it in my best friend Sona’s apartment, while she was on base in Quantico, working. I didn’t get internet or cell signal there, so it was a really quiet day. That night, she took me to a Hibatchi restaurant with two of her funny friends, so that was awesome.

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
I could say “having Stephen stay with us” but that would be too easy an answer. Not having to worry about money would have made my year SO MUCH EASIER.

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept of 2010?
I spent most of 2010 pregnant, but I didn’t wear maternity clothing. Empire waist tops ruled my world.

32. What kept you sane?
Hearing my husband’s voice. And my sons, even though they made me INsane as well.

33. What political issue stirred you the most?
Gun legislation. I don’t bring politics onto my blog, however, so that’s all I will say about that.

34. Who did you miss?
Obviously, my husband. But I also missed all my friends in Idaho and my fellow Army wives.

35. Who was the best new person you met?
Jamie! I met her on Craigslist, as creepy as that sounds. And my friend, Sam, wife of Steve’s best friend in the Army.

36. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2010.
Missing someone gets easier every day because even though it’s one day further from the last time you saw each other, it’s one day closer to the next time you will.

37. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
“Don’t worry ’bout a thing,
‘Cause every little thing gonna be all right.”
- “Three Little Birds” by Bob Marley

Nearly there…

I know I’ve been absent since my pregnancy announcement and Q&A posts. Truth? While I’ve been busy, I’ve also been preoccupied.

Steve is gone for his AT (Annual Training). You know those National Guard commercials you hear: “one weekend a month, two weeks a year.” This is his “two weeks” that somehow transformed into three weeks as soon as he arrived to his training locale. If you’ve been following me on Twitter, you’re up to speed on the fact that he has NO cell signal, so I’ve had a cumulative 3 minutes on the phone with him in the last week (from borrowing friends’ phones). It’s been difficult for me, as my tweets show, because we had plans for that third week. Plans HERE, not 7 hours away. And I’ve had to scrap them. I thought we had two weeks together left, but now it’s down to one week (including his training days in town).

During the day, I’m fine. I play with Dublin on the floor or lay in bed (bed rest! woooo!) and feel fine about not hearing from Steve. But then every night, as Dublin prepares for bed and I’m faced with the loneliness that is night and my bed without my husband, I lose it. It’s hitting me that we have a week left together until October/November 2011 and I don’t know how I’m going to handle it.

I can’t tell you how much I’ve appreciated all the texts, phone calls, emails, twitter mentions, comments on this here blog. It’s meant so much that you all believe in me.

I know the worst is still to come, when I give my husband his last hug and kiss until next fall. But it’s reassuring that I have this space to vent and have people that actually come here, listen and care about my family. Thank you all for bearing with me.

Gin-Fueled Thoughts: My Husband

Whenever Stephen leaves for several days due to Guards, I realize just how much having him around impacts my day-to-day. And it’s not just his physical presence. I miss his updates (via Facebook, text, or phone calls); I miss the constant communication we unconsciously maintain throughout the normal work week. And I don’t care if I sound pathetic, I miss those little things. And just his presence. It feels so empty without him around.

As soon as I wake up in the morning to his alarm, I naturally turn to him, an almost Pavlovian response, as I know he’ll hit the snooze a few times, just to spend a little cuddle time in the early morning light. It’s easily one of my favorite parts of the day.

When we head to our respective work places, it’s not unusual for us to exchange 20 texts in a matter of five hours. Usually just innane “interesting sex facts” I send him or pictures he sends me from whatever he’s accomplishing. Nothing earth-shattering. But that feeling we have, that connection, is so very comfortable, so natural for us.

As soon as I hear him pull up to the curb, I’m usually ready at the door to give him a hug and a kiss. I know it sounds corny, but I feel best when I’m in his arms, with his stubbled cheek against mine. And as I make dinner, he usually barges his way into the kitchen and wraps his arms around my waist, resting his chin on my shoulder and slowly rocks back and forth with me. It’s very romantic, just us two in the kitchen, with the radio playing softly in the background.

Seeing him interact with our son reminds me that not every father is as devoted, is as awed by the miracle they helped create. When Stephen calls me from another room just to show me the sweet position Dublin is sleeping in, I know how fortunate I am. He genuinely enjoys, thrives, being around our son and really, I don’t know that I could ask for anything more than that.

When we cuddle up on the couch at night, usually watching episodes of whatever show we’re into at that moment, it’s not unusual for him to look at me, out of the blue, and tell me how much he loves me. And – CORN ALERT – he and I exchange debate on “who loves whom more.” I know. We are creamed corn.

And as we cuddle together in bed, he brushes the hair off my face with those hard, calloused hands of his and kisses me like it’s the first time, every time. He’s the only man who has made my heart race this way, and after all this time, after all our challenges. He tells me my body is perfect, and that if I need change, I should do it for me. And he tells me I can do it; I can do anything.

A good friend of ours asked if we were still in the “honeymoon” phase of our relationship, which confused us. We’ve ALWAYS been this way. Very affectionate, very “in-touch” with one another, be it through physical means or via technology.

Even when he’s pissing me off VERY EFFECTIVELY, I know, deep down, past the temporary anger, I’ve got it pretty good. I don’t know if it’s “supposed” to be this way, if every other couple is as in love as we are. I don’t know if other wives get a little thrill whenever they hear their husband’s voice, if their hearts race when their husbands run kisses on their hands. But I sure hope I’m not the only one who has it this good.

I picked a damn good man to share my life with.

Sometimes…

Sometimes, no matter how hard things are in our personal lives, we need to understand that others are going through times that are even more trying.

I’m not sure who said that exactly, but it’s a quote that has run through my mind since we found out Stephen had lost his job.

I could lament how difficult things are, how panicked I feel every moment of the day. How I sobbed while washing dishes by hand this afternoon – this is not how I imagined our Christmas to be. This is not how I imagined our lives to begin when we first decided to move here.

But.

Not all is lost, not all is broken. I have a son who brings me immeasurable joy, who’s very smile ignites my own. A son who is completely healthy, happy, and is probably the most easy-going baby I’ve ever encountered. This little person of mine is the reason I keep going, the reason I stop with the self-pitying and wipe the tears from my face.

And I have a husband, a husband who holds me wordlessly, each time I lose my shit all over the place. A husband who loves me when I don’t fold the laundry or put on makeup for well over a week. A husband who looks at me randomly throughout the day and says, “Have I told you that I love you yet today?” Even though he knows he has, several times.

I have friends who answer my call at 3 in the morning when I have an anxiety attack, friends who tell me it WILL be okay, I am strong and I WILL get through this, as I’ve conquered every challenge before. Friends who call me a few times throughout the day and tell me exactly what I need to hear.

I have the best family in the world. Biological, adopted, step, in-laws…they are all there to support me, albeit far away. The family I cried and cried and cried over leaving when we packed up our little car to move out west. The family that was there through every hospitalization during my pregnancy, who serviced our home’s furnace and dumped gallons of fuel in our tank so we wouldn’t freeze last winter as our monthly heating bill climbed to $600.

And I have all of you. I can’t even begin to tell you how incredible you all are. Tonight as I sat on the couch with Stephen, I told him that the Internet was hands-down the most amazing thing ever, even more amazing than BACON. YOU all are amazing. Between the @ replies, the direct messages, Facebook wall posts or emails, it has meant so, so much. I cried from your words, your jokes and all the love you’ve poured into my little family.

We’ve lost our income with Stephen’s job, yes, but that income can’t buy, as cliched as it is, all that love. And I am thankful, SO thankful, more thankful than I’ve been in quite some time, to have been surrounded with such loving, compassionate people.

Two years ago, I was in a horrible relationship and the distance to my family was measured in tension, not miles. I didn’t know a single person from the Internet, in real life or even through email. I was working 70 hours a week and could afford some of the finer, materialistic things in life but I was empty, unhappy.

So while things are tough and I might cry to the Internet too frequently, I am not alone. There are people in this world more deserving of all your thoughts and prayers and I feel so blessed to have yours. Thank you.

Happy Weekend!

I hope you all are having an exceptionally great weekend. We started off ours on Thursday, with my screaming, crying baby boy. He cried exactly three hours straight and honestly, it was one of the hardest times for me as a mother. It’s horrible to feel that helpless. I scheduled an emergency appointment and lo, it’s *just* a stomach virus. I say just because he doesn’t have to be on any specific medications and surely, I was imagining much worse. Basically – kid is GASSY. Two days of Spring and Pedialyte seemed to help him out.

Friday, Stephen finally went to get a tattoo done. I’d mentioned earlier that he was going to get Dublin’s name done in large script. And he will, eventually. But he’s been wanting to get a certain tattoo done since we became serious. No! It’s not MY name, but it does have to do with me. Actually, he got it done for his upcoming deployment.

The ring on my middle finger is Stephen’s wedding ring. It’s white gold with 7 black diamonds (7 is my lucky number).

‘Due to the work he’ll be doing, wearing any jewelry on his hands while in Iraq is hazardous. He even has a friend who lost a finger due to catching his wedding ring on a piece of equipment. But he wanted to carry a piece of me somehow. So he had his wedding ring tattooed onto his ring finger.

This is hours after it was finished and Steve was actually pretty nauseous from the whole thing. It’s the smallest of all his tattoos, but it hurt the most, especially on the sides of his finger. I know, tattooing one’s finger is rather unconventional, but I think it’s sweet that he wanted to do this. Plus, they couldn’t stay completely true to the design, as the detail would eventually blur and look silly. But he’s happy. That’s all that counts.

On Saturday, we went to this indoor go-kart raceway just down the road from us. Steve’s been wanting to go for the past five months and because he’s been working so hard, I figured why not? I sat on the sidelines because Dublin sort of needed a parent to hold him. Selfish kid!

(If you’re a new reader, I hope you recognize sarcasm.)

And here’s a worthless, blurry photo of Steve drifting around a corner. If you know Stephen, you know that cars/racing are his life. This THRILLED HIM. It was like a little kid on Christmas.

Stephen and Dublin.

Stephen starts shift work on Sunday, so he’ll be gone from 5 PM – 9 AM for the next four days. It’s sure to be pretty lonely around here.

How was your weekend?

The Blathering Experience

The Blathering. Well, it was wonderful. But I was THISCLOSE to not attending.

You see, Thursday night as I was doing loads of laundry and sort of packing my bag, I lost my shit on Steve. “These people are BLOG FAMOUS, Stephen.” Or “What if no one likes me?!” I’ve always had a mild social anxiety and have never traveled alone to a place where I knew virtually no one, except through their Internet writing. I have been reading Emily for years, corresponding with Jennie (and reading her blog) for a long time. She even provided a lot of comfort via email and comments when I went through a very low point last year. And have commented on Dani’s shoes for forever in the Working Closet Flickr Group. But after reading all the pre-Blathering questionnaires everyone filled out and emailed, I was so, so excited to meet all these intriguing people and because of that, I was even more nervous. But my nerves were for naught, because each and every single woman was so friendly, funny and welcoming. I’m not exaggerating when I say it was one of the best weekends of my life.

(Allow me to preface this post by saying that it is likely the longest post I’ve ever written and I also whored out a ton of links, so I apologize if it gets monotonous.)

Recaps of some of the best things about last weekend (oh my God, there were so many):
I was at the ice machine in the hotel when I heard four female voices coming down the hallway. It turned out to be Maggie, Emily, Liz and Manda. They all sort of walked by me with polite smiles (didn’t recognize me) except Manda, who stared at me for a moment and exclaimed, “You’re Whitney!” That immediately relieved me. (Here is Manda’s photo of the four of them.)
**
Everything about Elizabeth. Her house, her delicious dinner, her dog (more on that later).

**
The wine tasting. It was so relaxed and we were all able to share a little bit of our lives and blogs. Thanks so much, Natalie!
(I don’t have any photos of this, but Elizabeth does.)
**
Liz and I laughing so hard over a immature joke involving Elizabeth’s VERY sweet dog, Annabelle. I was laughing so hard that I almost caught my hair on fire by all these candles, by slamming my head into the table. I do that when I laugh uncontrollably.

(And c’est Annabelle!)

(Sidenote: I’m very sorry that Liz and I were inappropriate over your very loving and adorable dog, Elizabeth!)
**
When Manda DIVEBOMBED on top of Emily and Amber in the hammock, resulting in the hammock’s demise.


(The following photo is Emily and Manda holding up the piece that broke.)

**
Shopping downtown with a smaller group of the women. Watching Manda and Amber try on sequined hats and make funny faces.

**
Eating lunch with everyone and Shelby and Annie. Both of whom were so lovely and charming. I don’t have any photos of this because I FAIL. But I hope to spend MORE time with them next year!
**
Admiring everyone’s accessories. Seriously, everyone was accessorized beautifully, as evidenced in the following photos.
(Holly and my roomie, Melissa.)

(Emily and Amber.)

(Liz and Maggie – the latter was plagued with a billion emails prior to the weekend from me.)

(Kristie and A’Dell.)

**
Dinner at Zocalo. Or, I should say drinks, because we drank $109.00 worth of blackberry margaritas alone.

**
Drinks at Lounge on Twenty (if you click the link, you’ll see one of very comfortable white chairs I lounged in!) for a number of reasons:
One, it was unlike any place I’ve ever been in (But I’m from VERMONT and currently live in a Mormon-run town. So, that’s not saying much).

Two, CUCUMBER WATER. It was strange at first, I couldn’t figure out what the heck it was until Amy said something. At least I think it was Amy? Maybe it was Amber? Nonetheless, I have a HEALTHY addiction to cucumber, so I enjoyed this refreshing beverage very much. It also prevented me from spending another $20 on drinks.

Three, I sat next to some of the most hilarious girls ever! Amy and Liz were talking about something and started laughing so hard that I couldn’t help but laugh too, just watching them!

Four, more hilarity with Emily and Liz!

(There is video of this, too. I think Manda has it.)
And Five, Amy plucking her eyebrows. HILARIOUS.

**
Going to the gay bar, Faces. It was my first experience in a gay bar as well (hello Mormon Town!). It was a blast. Except for the part where I spent all my cash on dinner and drinks and they wouldn’t take credit cards to pay for the cover. Thank you again, Daniela (with the amazing shoes!). I owe you next year! I took a shot with Jennie and Elizabeth (also a first, as it was tequila and I normally shoot vodka). And then we danced. And danced and danced. Emily was singled out by one man there and he proceeded to swing her around the dance floor for two (or three?) songs. Emily has some moves!


And then we all went into the hip-hop room and danced some more!

(Yeah, so I clearly SUCK at framing photos well, but to see the dancing photos from that night, check out Daniela’s photo set. I could not stop laughing seeing some of those photos!)
(And! Jennie captured video of us dancing to MJ!)
Also, I was motorboated like a billion times at the gay bar by a couple of the bloggers from our group. I told a story at dinner, earlier, that night of how I went to a strip club with Stephen, his dad, my brother, cousins and various coworkers and friends for Stephen’s bachelor party and what went HORRIBLY wrong with my outfit and involved some motorboating. LONG SENTENCE FAIL. But, it was pretty spectacular. I won’t name names unless they want to be outed! (I’d hinted about this story on my 13 Things post. Daniela took photos of me telling the story.)
We danced so much that we were all SWEATY. And when I say sweaty, I mean SWEATY:
(Look at Liz all composed and lovely and OBNOXIOUS, SWEATY WHITNEY RUINING THE MOMENT)

(And then Emily, Liz and I with our mouths wide open for some reason, still sweaty)

**
I will say that I was very sad to go in the morning. And very sore from dancing.

Last weekend was nothing short of amazing. It sounds so cliche, but I can’t sum up them any better, each and every woman was so beautiful and I feel honored to have shared laughter, conversation and TIME with them all. It wasn’t enough time, of course, but there’s always next year. I found 15 new blogs to follow (get on that, Shelby!), met people who were even more amazing outside of their blogs and formed friendships with people I never would have met otherwise. And that was the single greatest thing about this weekend. Now, if I can just convince everyone to move their lives to dinky Idaho and live near me among the Mormons.

Of course, I still didn’t do this weekend justice, but if you want to read the posts that did, go here, here, here, here, here, here, here (um, SOB), here, here and here. (HOLY CARPAL TUNNEL, DID I FORGET ANYONE?)

What I Am Loving Right Now

I am working on the second installment of mine and Steve’s story, but I keep hitting a few writer roadblocks, so instead, I really want to draw your attention to the things I am totally loving right now.

1. These earrings. I saw them in person yesterday and after hemming and hawing (my cheapy tendencies), I’m going back to purchase them. Actually, the jeans from this store fit me great, too, and they easily come in my inseam (35-37), so if you’re a giant like me, I suggest you try a pair.

2. Tabasco Green Pepper Sauce.. I don’t know about you, but I cannot stand it when people put so much hot sauce on food to the point that you can’t even taste the food anymore – your mouth is THAT hot. I’m actually not a fan of Tabasco in the first place, but this stuff rocks my world! I put it on my eggs, in my gravy, as part of a salad dressing, steak marinade…the options are almost endless. It’s a mild hot, but also adds a great flavor!

3. BLTs. No link necessary. I love the simplicity of them and the fact that the main ingredient is BACON. I use Miracle whip as well (yeah, yeah, whatever) and I love the extra tang it adds to the sandwich. And BACON. BACON BACON BACON!

4. Food blogs. I’ve recently discovered Tartlette, Cannelle et Vanille and Matt Bites. I highly recommend them, for their recipes and the beautiful photography.

5. Playlists. My current workout playlist revolves almost completely around Queen’s music (Bicycle Race, Killer Queen and Don’t Stop Me Now) and while those songs totally inspire me, I could use some more songs to add. What songs get your blood pumping?

Stephen and I: Part One

I’ve struggled to figure out how exactly to write this post. It’s a post I’ve wanted to a do for a while, but just didn’t have the time or opportunity. Now that we’re approaching the one-month anniversary of our marriage, I feel like I should explain our story. There are a few juicy bits I never mentioned…

A while back, when I mentioned our upcoming wedding, I received an email from someone who regularly comments on my blog. She asked if things had improved between Stephen and I, and you know what? I immediately felt guilty.

When Stephen and I first met, it was instant-attraction on both sides. However, we were met with quite a few obstacles. We lived about an hour apart, I was one month fresh of an awful breakup and…well, Stephen had a girlfriend. That last one was pretty much the biggest issue, considering he’d been with her, on and off, for around three years. Their relationship wasn’t a great one. Things had happened on both sides solely to cause pain to the other. It proved to be very tumultuous while Stephen was in Iraq for a year and a half, with both committing egregious acts to cause the other pain. I think his ex said it best when she told me in an email, “right from the beginning of our relationship, things weren’t right. It was always awkward, confusing, and neither of us had the balls to admit so. Our way out was doing horrible things to each other.” I’m not saying what either of them did was right and I won’t name any specifics, but the relationship wasn’t healthy.

The night I met Stephen, I sensed that he wasn’t single. And when I confronted him, he told me he was single. In email conversations to Heather a few days after I’d met him, we properly coined the nickname, “DB” for Stephen. There’s still a tag dedicated to “DB” in fact, it was how I referred to him on my blog. The DB was because the morning after I’d met Stephen, I found out through a few channels that he did have a girlfriend. And I called him out on it. I wasn’t overly attached to Stephen, I’ll admit. Sure, I’d never experienced such a pull towards another person, but I had only known him like 20 hours. I was annoyed, but I didn’t let it bother me. He admitted it to me when called out, but I wasn’t letting him off the hook for lying that easy.

In discussing with Heather how I could blog about him, we decided DB was suitable enough and I used it in my very first blog post about him. I used it on twitter quite a bit, too. The only ones who knew exactly what it stood for were Heather and I, so when Stephen commented on that blog post, using the DB handle, I couldn’t help but laugh. What did DB stand for?

Douchebag.

Yes, my first nickname for my now-husband was Douchebag. Why? Because he was! The morning after, when I called him out on having a girlfriend, he admitted fully and I said I just was not down with that. He proceeded to try and have dates me with all that following week. I didn’t budge, until Thursday, when I went to his friend’s house for an impromptu wii bowling party. The entire time, I wanted so badly to snuggle with him, but he was a taken guy. I was NOT down with that. I didn’t want to be THAT girl. When I left that night, things were fairly unresolved. I told him I pretty much couldn’t be around him, not with the whole girlfriend drama going on. So I left that night, fully expecting to never hear from him again. I was sitting in the McDonalds parking lot at 2 AM, listening to Queen and eating cold French fries, trying to be okay with the whole thing. I made it home, went to bed and woke up the next day, Friday, went to work then home. I received a phone call from a fellow Vermonter who had found me through my blog, who I had been talking to for a few weeks. He was much older than me, but had his shit together, ie: NO GIRLFRIEND. We were making plans to meet up the following day for a luncheon, after I’d stalled meeting him long enough. And then call-waiting kicked in, guess who it was? Stephen.

I answered and he asked me to meet him at his friend’s house to talk. So I went.

To be continued…. Including how I dated the older blogger and Stephen on the same night….