I know I’ve been absent since my pregnancy announcement and Q&A posts. Truth? While I’ve been busy, I’ve also been preoccupied.
Steve is gone for his AT (Annual Training). You know those National Guard commercials you hear: “one weekend a month, two weeks a year.” This is his “two weeks” that somehow transformed into three weeks as soon as he arrived to his training locale. If you’ve been following me on Twitter, you’re up to speed on the fact that he has NO cell signal, so I’ve had a cumulative 3 minutes on the phone with him in the last week (from borrowing friends’ phones). It’s been difficult for me, as my tweets show, because we had plans for that third week. Plans HERE, not 7 hours away. And I’ve had to scrap them. I thought we had two weeks together left, but now it’s down to one week (including his training days in town).
During the day, I’m fine. I play with Dublin on the floor or lay in bed (bed rest! woooo!) and feel fine about not hearing from Steve. But then every night, as Dublin prepares for bed and I’m faced with the loneliness that is night and my bed without my husband, I lose it. It’s hitting me that we have a week left together until October/November 2011 and I don’t know how I’m going to handle it.
I can’t tell you how much I’ve appreciated all the texts, phone calls, emails, twitter mentions, comments on this here blog. It’s meant so much that you all believe in me.
I know the worst is still to come, when I give my husband his last hug and kiss until next fall. But it’s reassuring that I have this space to vent and have people that actually come here, listen and care about my family. Thank you all for bearing with me.
Thank you all for the love on my announcement post! It felt great to have so many supportive people congratulating us. As you can probably imagine, I’ve been asked so many questions regarding this pregnancy, and I’m going to do my best to answer all the emails, comments, etc through here! Let’s do this!
Will Steve be present for the birth?
No. Unfortunately. This pregnancy is VERY much a SURPRISE! This is the main reason I’m moving back to Vermont, as I can’t imagine giving birth in Idaho, with an 18-month old and virtually no family. My hospital doesn’t allow live or recorded video, so that’s not an option. Steve will likely be notified through the Red Cross and hey, that sucks a lot and I could devote an entire post to how much I’ve cried about that, but I won’t. You’re welcome!
I thought you had fertility issues?
I did and I still do. I still have ovarian cysts and scar tissue. Last November, I took part in a medical trial through my doctor’s office. It was an experimental birth control that was supposed to help reduce or eliminate PCOS. Sometime in February, after starting my new job, I got really sick and was on a bunch of antibiotics. And well, this rendered my birth control useless and BAM, here I am.
How long have you known?
Since April. I was only about 4 weeks, but I just KNEW. I rolled over one night and felt a weird pain, something that signaled, “hey, either you have a softball in your belly or you’re pregnant.” Since I couldn’t remember eating any sporting equipment, I guessed I was pregnant.
Why did you keep it a secret for so long?
Because I was/am considered high-risk. My first ultrasound clearly showed my cysts, and my technician gently reminded me that women who become pregnant with PCOS suffer an almost 50% rate of miscarriage. The baby’s heartbeat was very low and though I was already experiencing symptoms, my doctor wanted me in for frequent visits and ultrasounds. My heart rate was averaging at 110bpm RESTING and my blood pressure was ridiculous. It was a scary few months for us. I would experience extreme nausea, was unable to sleep on my stomach and then a few days later, NOTHING. No symptoms, no problems sleeping on my belly. I slept on my stomach right up until about a week ago. To sum it up, I spent the last 19 weeks (that I’ve known) extremely paranoid. I told a select few people, but generally kept it to ourselves.
Has this pregnancy been similar to your last?
PFFT, yeah right. My last pregnancy, I had few symptoms. I had complications (of the kidney variety), which is why I’m on a couple scripts now to keep that from happening again. I’ve had weird vertigo, I’ve blacked out a handful of times (and once at Wal-mart, onto a clothing rack) and I can’t change Dublin’s diaper without vomiting. Every. Single. Time. I’ve even resorted to wrapping a towel around my head when I do it, but I think I’ve developed super sonic smell. I spent the first 3-4 months as a vegetarian, because meat made me nauseous.
Did you want a girl or boy?
I was solid that I thought it was a girl, just because this pregnancy has been completely different. But I didn’t care one way or another, because being a mommy to my boy has been incredible. Steve wanted a girl just so we could be “done,” but in all honestly, I think we will be done after this baby. I’m not very good at being pregnant. I had a summer boy and now I’ll have a winter boy, so it made no difference, hand-me-down-wise, if this was a boy or a girl, I’d still need to buy an entirely new wardrobe.
How does Steve feel about the new baby?
Well, as I said, this baby was definitely not planned (either was Dublin), but Steve took the news a lot better than I. That being said, he is pretty disappointed about missing the birth. He was very involved for Dublin’s birth; he never left my side, carried me from the toilet to the bed so Dublin would have a “normal” birth, and he cut the cord. Steve is not an outwardly emotional person, and the only time he can remember tearing up in the last 15 years is when Dublin was born. The bond he and Dublin have is incredible, and I know he’s concerned about having a connection to this baby when he comes home next September. He’s been very supportive of my RAGING! hormones and has even run out at 4 AM to fetch me McDonald’s french fries. He was finally able to feeIl the baby kick a few nights ago, which was all I’d hoped for him to experience, before he leaves next month.
Do you have names picked out?
Oh man, do we ever. We were SOLID on one name for over a month, but then I started re-reading a certain popular series and remembered how significant this name is among teeny boppers everywhere and so we had to cross that out. For now, the name we like the most starts with a “K” but we’re coming up with backups, just in case this baby is born and I start freaking out: “BUT THIS BABY DOES NOT LOOK LIKE A K*****! Will the Red Cross pass along alternative names to Steve and then get back to me?!”
Phew! Any other questions I missed? Besides the boy parts, all I know about this baby is that he has a GINORMOUS head (like Dublin), measuring 4.5 weeks ahead of schedule – THAT SHOULD BE FUN! And he also has a “fat belly” per the ultrasound tech.
Thank you all for your input on my last post. I feel like time is flying SO SO FAST and I can’t seem to catch my breath…or even catch up on laundry.
Steve is gone again, for another Army venture and I’m basically failing at maintaining our residence. Tonight, the toilet overflowed (I DON’T KNOW HOW, I was flushing TISSUES) and I didn’t have a plunger so I tried liquid Draino and tried using the toilet brush to “push” the water out, but NO. And I thought, “maybe if I flush the toilet while pushing on the toilet brush it would work.” Instead, water backed up, out of the toilet and all over the floor, soaking my bath rugs and coating Dublin’s bath toys in toilet water. And I didn’t know what to do because, of COURSE, at that very moment, I had to pee like nobody’s business and I contemplated pulling a Baby Mama in the sink. But I don’t think I could lift myself up that high, so I bailed on that idea.
What did I do? I bundled my 11 month old up and RAN to my apartment complex’s nearest clubhouse. The door was locked and I forgot my damn keys so I had to run back, hauling my 24 pound monster child, grab my keys and run back across the street, crossing my legs every few strides, unlock the door to the clubhouse and LO, the women’s bathroom was LOCKED. As in, occupied. So I ran into the men’s bathroom. Yes, I did. It was actually, surprisingly, a lot nicer and larger than the women’s.
A few hours before this, I was peeling potatoes to boil and mash and realize I had two too many potatoes and because my brain is on vacation, I tossed both potatoes down the garbage disposal. And I proceeded to make some other stuff, tossing egg shells, onions, etc all in the direction of the garbage disposal, not bothering to turn the damn thing on and hey! I just noticed the egg and onion stank about an hour ago and tried to dispose of that sink garbage, but guess what? I JAMMED my garbage disposal with those two WHOLE Russet potatoes. Like, the motor won’t even run now.
When Steve called me to say goodnight, I was on the verge of losing my shit all over the phone because, UH, WHAT IF I HAVE A PEE EMERGENCY AT 2 AM? AND MY HOUSE STINKS LIKE EGGS AND ONIONS AND GARBAGE. But instead, Dublin heard Steve’s voice over speakerphone and chanted DA-DA-DA-DA-DA-DA over and over with his big, dimpled grin and it was the cutest thing I’ve ever seen. And every time since, whenever the phone has rang, he squeals “DA-DA!” (Even when it’s a grimy solicitor.) He actually grabbed the phone from me and after eating part of the mouthpiece, he hit the phone six or seven times, screeching “DA-DA-DA-DA!”
Basically, when Steve does deploy, I don’t have to worry about Dublin’s understanding of who is on the phone! But keeping the house from falling completely apart is another story, obviously.
I am indeed stretching myself thinner, in the sense that my time is PACKED TO THE MAXIMUM, not that my *body* is stretched thinner and you can probably guess which one I’d prefer.
The last two weeks, I decided I just wasn’t busy enough, so I started adding things to my daily schedule. A couple friends asked me to take photos of their families and with word of mouth, I’m now doing anywhere from 3-6 “sessions” a week. (Unpaid, however. Might as well build up my portfolio.) And each night, I’m plopped in front of my computer for upwards of three hours, editing those photos.
Last week, I decided to be apart of this Biggest Loser competition with some LDS people I know and now I’m assisting with the group leader, so hey! Even busier!
And then I thought, “Let’s make more friends!” So we’ve been out (or in) with other couples nearly every weekend night. Which is strange for me, because I’m kind of socially challenged.
With the weather warming, I’ve decided to take really long WALKS (no jogging stroller, boo) with Dublin to lose some of this weight. I’m guessing my untreated thyroid issue is only making it more difficult for me to lose more poundage.
While all of those “time thinners” are awesome, it’s kind of turning me into a fail whale wife and mommy. My housework has tripled and dinner has consisted of Chef Boyardee for Steve and toast and yogurt for Dublin. I’m seriously struggling for some kind of balance, but there is absolutely a huge give and take when it comes to this sort of thing. I selfishly don’t want to give up ANY of those things, because they’ve really made me a much happier person these last couple weeks, but I HAAAATE coming home to a messy house and feeling too tired to cook.
How do you balance your schedule? I don’t know if I should cut down on my photo sessions, the length of my walks or going out with all these awesome people.
Whenever my husband gets a new gadget (in this story’s case, his cell phone), he likes to set up “special” new passwords and such. He’s done this with our SOLE ATM/Debit cards (ahem, we have four of them), too, some random number pattern that he thinks sounds cool.
I KNOW. And no, he never, ever remembers the combo, which is super convenient when you have a screaming, teething baby, wailing in your cart and four hundred disgruntled, homicidal customers behind you in line at the grocery store checkout.
Anyway, his cell phone has the option to set up a connect-the-dot password. It’s a box of 16 dots and you can connect them however you want. He had a simple one, that he showed me (a prerequisite for him), so it was fine. Until he got bored at work today and changed the stupid combination, thereby locking both of us out of his phone.
The only other option for him to log into his phone is to sign in with his MOTO Blur account, but guess what? HE CAN’T REMEMBER THAT PASSWORD, EITHER. We’ve tried all of our default passwords, but he quietly admitted that he thinks he added extra numbers. And he’s not sure he even wrote his email address wrong. Why? “Because I was in a hurry.”
And HE wonders why I need my crazy pills.
So I didn’t forget that I had a blog, I just became INSANELY busy moving into our new house, starting my new job, carpooling with Steve, unpacking and catching up on FOUR SEASONS of Dexter. Yes, that’s right. It took two weeks for me to catch up on all four seasons but WOAH! It’s like how I feel for the Office: WHY DID NO ONE MENTION IT TO ME SOONER!
I still can’t get behind Lost though, meh.
The big news is that I am no longer an unemployable tramp. I’m working back in the school district (if you knew me, you knew that I used to work at one for five years before moving to Idaho). When I worked in New Hampshire for the school district, I was a special education tutor, librarian, secretary, building aide and newsletter designer. One thing I never mentioned here? My district’s superintendent approached me, asking me to design and create the school district’s annual newsletter. I designed my school’s town newsletter as well, but that was a monthly thing and not as intense.
Want to know something even more amazing? I designed it in WORD. As in, Microsoft WORD. I know. No Photoshop. I used to design all sorts of things for the school district, even used Microsoft Excel to design the schools district-wide report cards. I mean, woah! I kept a lot of secrets from you while I worked there, right? Here’s the cover to one of many newsletters for my school town (there were three schools in my town that I designed a cumulative newsletter for):
Not too shabby for Word, right? I created a new banner every month, depending on that month’s holiday or season and coordinated the colors on the rest of the pages (there were usually 6-8 pages in every newsletter) based on how I designed the banners. Sometimes, the banner was a photograph. Anyway, I had a lot of fun doing it.
When I applied for this school district, I attached copies of several monthly newsletters I created, along with the district newsletter, to give an idea at what I can do with basic word processing programs and I was called back the following day! EXCITING!
Except…while the principal was very impressed with my work and my references (I had my former district’s SUPERINTENDENT as a reference, YES.), there wouldn’t be any qualifying openings until next school year (2010-2011), but she had a position as an aide available so I took it. It’s only about 4.5 hours a day, so I still get plenty of Dublin time and it ends up paying for our rent and daycare each month, so that’s awesome. And because of the many confidentiality clauses, I won’t be discussing my job here, sorry friends!
But the most tasking of things in my life right now is the moving into our new digs.
It started out okay, except I was moving in by myself with a mobile baby to keep an eye on. I ended up having to strap D in his car seat and drive back and forth between the apartments, loading and unloading for about five trips at a time, so Dublin could get out and roll around for a break.
Now check this out. I was kind of in a hurry unloading boxes into the new place and set one particular box in front of a heating vent, not realizing what was in that box. Can you tell, just by looking?:
You could say it’s cozy. We’re getting a different set next weekend.
Uh. You could ALSO say this room is cozy. And the sad thing? It looked more or less like this for nearly TWO WEEKS.
Note: That non-dairy creamer? Is for ME. I don’t drink coffee, but it’s what my kidney doctor recommends as a milk substitute in cooking (like mashed potatoes for example). You can be grossed out.
And now, I’d like to point you to this video. Dublin started doing this funny, squinting face whenever the camera was in his face, so this is the video of it. It’s hysterical.
Now, what have you all been up to during this two week hiatus of mine?
I feel like all I do is whine this month, but honestly? I kind of thought that when 2010 and I sat down for a wee chat, we agreed that S/he would KICK ASS in the most awesome way, but apparently S/he interpreted that as to KICK MY ASS instead.
I forget that not all my readers are my twitter friends (psst…why not?), so I’ll do a quick run down of everything going on.
-My mother in law is unable to come and watch D while we go on that weekend Army retreat, so basically, we’re NOT going.
-I received a long-awaited cashiers check from my tenant for first and last month’s rent plus deposit. Because our primary bank is not anywhere near here, we paid overnight shipping, so the check would deposit asap and we’d be able to have money in our account after already spending it before. Well, overnight delivery took six days and my bank LOST my cashiers check before “finding it” and telling me they were withholding the funds for…..FORTY DAYS. Because that’s how long it takes to clear a cashiers check nowadays I guess.
-The following day, our property manager announced that due to the noise level (he didn’t say my baby, but we’ve received warnings about my baby’s middle-of-the-night cries and overall loud baby business), we were being evicted. And he said we had to be out in two days.
-Did I mention, I started weaning myself off my too-expensive Crazy meds this week? Perhaps I should I have thought that out better.
-After a series of phone calls with some important people, we were given until the end of the month. Which is fine, because we only selected this too-expensive place due to its proximity to the bus stop for Steve’s former job, meaning – we do not need to be paying this much anymore. So now we’re able to terminate our lease and find an apartment for half, or even a third of this price.
-My bank then DEBITED (TOOK OUT) the amount of the check (that has yet to be deposited) FROM our account, instead of CREDITING it to us. Meaning we were overdrawn THOUSANDS of dollars. And not a single teller could explain WHY.
The Plus Sides?
-We have now switched to USAA for our banking, since we already receive great service from them (hello, $28/month for car insurance? YES PLEASE!).
-I’ve lost five pounds in five days! YES.
-While I wanted to continue to my role as stay-at-home mom, it’s obvious that we’ll need two breadwinners to get back on our feet. This is good in that while I didn’t want to put D in day care, he will finally have some other social interaction outside of Steve and I – aka the only people he’s been around in two months.
-Like I said, we are able to get out of our crazy expensive lease and move into a similarly-sized, incredibly cheaper apartment. It probably won’t have a 24-hour fitness center or pool, but we’ll be saving money. Which is awesome when, you know, you don’t have an income.
-We also don’t have to live above our grumpy-ass neighbors anymore. They’ve banged on their ceiling (our floor) when I was up with my crying, teething boy at 3 AM (mind you, I was caring for our kid above their LIVING ROOM, not bedroom, so they were likely already awake). I also don’t have cigarette smoke coming from their balcony into my apartment anymore. BONUS!
For the first time since…ever, I utilized Google Reader’s “Mark All Read” option and I’m really sorry! I’ll get back on the reading and commenting wagon again, I just need to pack up my entire house, again, for the second time in 6 months.