Sometimes…

Sometimes, no matter how hard things are in our personal lives, we need to understand that others are going through times that are even more trying.

I’m not sure who said that exactly, but it’s a quote that has run through my mind since we found out Stephen had lost his job.

I could lament how difficult things are, how panicked I feel every moment of the day. How I sobbed while washing dishes by hand this afternoon – this is not how I imagined our Christmas to be. This is not how I imagined our lives to begin when we first decided to move here.

But.

Not all is lost, not all is broken. I have a son who brings me immeasurable joy, who’s very smile ignites my own. A son who is completely healthy, happy, and is probably the most easy-going baby I’ve ever encountered. This little person of mine is the reason I keep going, the reason I stop with the self-pitying and wipe the tears from my face.

And I have a husband, a husband who holds me wordlessly, each time I lose my shit all over the place. A husband who loves me when I don’t fold the laundry or put on makeup for well over a week. A husband who looks at me randomly throughout the day and says, “Have I told you that I love you yet today?” Even though he knows he has, several times.

I have friends who answer my call at 3 in the morning when I have an anxiety attack, friends who tell me it WILL be okay, I am strong and I WILL get through this, as I’ve conquered every challenge before. Friends who call me a few times throughout the day and tell me exactly what I need to hear.

I have the best family in the world. Biological, adopted, step, in-laws…they are all there to support me, albeit far away. The family I cried and cried and cried over leaving when we packed up our little car to move out west. The family that was there through every hospitalization during my pregnancy, who serviced our home’s furnace and dumped gallons of fuel in our tank so we wouldn’t freeze last winter as our monthly heating bill climbed to $600.

And I have all of you. I can’t even begin to tell you how incredible you all are. Tonight as I sat on the couch with Stephen, I told him that the Internet was hands-down the most amazing thing ever, even more amazing than BACON. YOU all are amazing. Between the @ replies, the direct messages, Facebook wall posts or emails, it has meant so, so much. I cried from your words, your jokes and all the love you’ve poured into my little family.

We’ve lost our income with Stephen’s job, yes, but that income can’t buy, as cliched as it is, all that love. And I am thankful, SO thankful, more thankful than I’ve been in quite some time, to have been surrounded with such loving, compassionate people.

Two years ago, I was in a horrible relationship and the distance to my family was measured in tension, not miles. I didn’t know a single person from the Internet, in real life or even through email. I was working 70 hours a week and could afford some of the finer, materialistic things in life but I was empty, unhappy.

So while things are tough and I might cry to the Internet too frequently, I am not alone. There are people in this world more deserving of all your thoughts and prayers and I feel so blessed to have yours. Thank you.