Today, I’m 23. I’m a 23 year old wife and mommy. I’m an overweight, 23 year old wife and mommy. And being the latter? A wife to my amazing husband and a mom to this perfect, little person I’ve created… It makes me unbelievably happy. But the fat? The fat that doesn’t fit into my pre-pregnancy pants, the fat that turns every shirt I wear into a sausage casing for my fat… Well, that doesn’t make me so happy. Or healthy for that matter.

I had kidney failure, just five months into my pregnancy. I was hospitalized for a week, twice. My body wasn’t ready to carry my son, and I can’t tell you how grateful I am that he is okay, that the rounds and rounds of harmful medications I was hooked up to didn’t damage him.

But I want, eventually, to make my son a big brother. But I don’t want to do it in my current, overweight, unhealthy body. And I want to feel confident in my clothing, in my own skin.

Five years ago, I weighed 150 pounds, which, at 5′10 is a pretty healthy weight. My arms were thin, my stomach was flat and my chest…well, it was not obnoxiously large. I had a lot of muscle definition, from walking 10-15 miles every week.

As of this morning, I weigh 200 pounds. TWO-HUNDRED. That’s an embarrassingly large number for me, a number I never imagined myself reaching. I was just over 200 when I gave birth to my son, 20ish weeks ago. That number represents more than the number of donuts and nachos I consumed during my pregnancy; it represents a lot of stress over my pregnancy complications, fear of my son’s well-being and sadness upon moving away from all of our family three months ago.

This morning, I joined Weight Watchers. This is my second time as a member (I had to quit due to pregnancy before), but the first time I’ll take it seriously. I’m overweight today, and I will be tomorrow. A week from now, I will still be overweight. I know it will take a while, but I’m using my 23rd birthday as incentive to lose this weight, the baggage I’ve carried with me for too long.

My goal is to lose roughly 50 pounds, but more importantly, I’d like to fit into jeans that aren’t in the double digits in size. I’d like to have photos taken of me holding my son without cringing at the rolls of mine I see. Rolls are only cute on Dublin these days. To be honest, I would love to be able to see myself in the mirror the way my husband sees me every day. And when I decide to try to fall pregnant again, I hope to have a body that is much more well-equipped to handle it. I owe it to my possible, future, unborn child and I owe it to myself (and my insurance company!).

The incentive for you, to have to listen to my whining and moaning, will be gift card giveaways. For every 10 pounds I lose, I’m going to host a giveaway on my blog. My idea is that this will help keep me accountable and plus, it’s been a long time since my last giveaway.

So stick around, will you?

Steve and I were talking the other night about our marriage and how awesome it is to be with someone who knows you inside and out. In doing so, we talked about former best friends.

Me: My very first best friend was Amber. But after I moved from Virginia, we really didn’t speak again. And I’ve facebooked her, but lo, she is not a facebooker.

Steve: WOAH. Backup. You lived in Virginia????

Me: Um, yeah? Remember, dad in the navy….moved around quite a bit.

Steve: You definitely never mentioned VIRGINIA.

Me: You’re probably confused with all the places I did mention. [Which would be understandable, as I've lived in TEN STATES.]

Steve: I would have remembered Virginia.

–

Okay, so I feel kind of bad that he didn’t know that. But it got worse, during our discussion this evening as we were watching TITANIC. (I know, he will actually watch that with me!)

Steve: I fell asleep when I saw this in the theatres.

Me: I went with my sister, her boyfriend and Danny (my brother).

Steve: Which sister? Both your sisters were born AFTER Titanic was made.

Me: What do you mean, both? I have FOUR SISTERS.

Steve: WHAT.

Me: Erm. Yeah? Heather is the one I grew up with.

Steve: ….

Me: Heidi, Heather, Courtney and Sarah Elizabeth. Those are my sisters.

Steve: THERE’S A HEIDI, TOO??

–

I guess forgetting to mention that I once lived in Virginia is not such a big deal, but not mentioning that I have FOUR sisters? Kind of sad, on my behalf. And we have a KID together.

I also have four brothers, but I don’t think I’ve told him that, either.

The Blathering. Well, it was wonderful. But I was THISCLOSE to not attending.

You see, Thursday night as I was doing loads of laundry and sort of packing my bag, I lost my shit on Steve. “These people are BLOG FAMOUS, Stephen.” Or “What if no one likes me?!” I’ve always had a mild social anxiety and have never traveled alone to a place where I knew virtually no one, except through their Internet writing. I have been reading Emily for years, corresponding with Jennie (and reading her blog) for a long time. She even provided a lot of comfort via email and comments when I went through a very low point last year. And have commented on Dani’s shoes for forever in the Working Closet Flickr Group. But after reading all the pre-Blathering questionnaires everyone filled out and emailed, I was so, so excited to meet all these intriguing people and because of that, I was even more nervous. But my nerves were for naught, because each and every single woman was so friendly, funny and welcoming. I’m not exaggerating when I say it was one of the best weekends of my life.

(Allow me to preface this post by saying that it is likely the longest post I’ve ever written and I also whored out a ton of links, so I apologize if it gets monotonous.)

Recaps of some of the best things about last weekend (oh my God, there were so many):
I was at the ice machine in the hotel when I heard four female voices coming down the hallway. It turned out to be Maggie, Emily, Liz and Manda. They all sort of walked by me with polite smiles (didn’t recognize me) except Manda, who stared at me for a moment and exclaimed, “You’re Whitney!” That immediately relieved me. (Here is Manda’s photo of the four of them.)
**
Everything about Elizabeth. Her house, her delicious dinner, her dog (more on that later).

**
The wine tasting. It was so relaxed and we were all able to share a little bit of our lives and blogs. Thanks so much, Natalie!
(I don’t have any photos of this, but Elizabeth does.)
**
Liz and I laughing so hard over a immature joke involving Elizabeth’s VERY sweet dog, Annabelle. I was laughing so hard that I almost caught my hair on fire by all these candles, by slamming my head into the table. I do that when I laugh uncontrollably.

(And c’est Annabelle!)

(Sidenote: I’m very sorry that Liz and I were inappropriate over your very loving and adorable dog, Elizabeth!)
**
When Manda DIVEBOMBED on top of Emily and Amber in the hammock, resulting in the hammock’s demise.


(The following photo is Emily and Manda holding up the piece that broke.)

**
Shopping downtown with a smaller group of the women. Watching Manda and Amber try on sequined hats and make funny faces.

**
Eating lunch with everyone and Shelby and Annie. Both of whom were so lovely and charming. I don’t have any photos of this because I FAIL. But I hope to spend MORE time with them next year!
**
Admiring everyone’s accessories. Seriously, everyone was accessorized beautifully, as evidenced in the following photos.
(Holly and my roomie, Melissa.)

(Emily and Amber.)

(Liz and Maggie – the latter was plagued with a billion emails prior to the weekend from me.)

(Kristie and A’Dell.)

**
Dinner at Zocalo. Or, I should say drinks, because we drank $109.00 worth of blackberry margaritas alone.

**
Drinks at Lounge on Twenty (if you click the link, you’ll see one of very comfortable white chairs I lounged in!) for a number of reasons:
One, it was unlike any place I’ve ever been in (But I’m from VERMONT and currently live in a Mormon-run town. So, that’s not saying much).

Two, CUCUMBER WATER. It was strange at first, I couldn’t figure out what the heck it was until Amy said something. At least I think it was Amy? Maybe it was Amber? Nonetheless, I have a HEALTHY addiction to cucumber, so I enjoyed this refreshing beverage very much. It also prevented me from spending another $20 on drinks.

Three, I sat next to some of the most hilarious girls ever! Amy and Liz were talking about something and started laughing so hard that I couldn’t help but laugh too, just watching them!

Four, more hilarity with Emily and Liz!

(There is video of this, too. I think Manda has it.)
And Five, Amy plucking her eyebrows. HILARIOUS.

**
Going to the gay bar, Faces. It was my first experience in a gay bar as well (hello Mormon Town!). It was a blast. Except for the part where I spent all my cash on dinner and drinks and they wouldn’t take credit cards to pay for the cover. Thank you again, Daniela (with the amazing shoes!). I owe you next year! I took a shot with Jennie and Elizabeth (also a first, as it was tequila and I normally shoot vodka). And then we danced. And danced and danced. Emily was singled out by one man there and he proceeded to swing her around the dance floor for two (or three?) songs. Emily has some moves!


And then we all went into the hip-hop room and danced some more!

(Yeah, so I clearly SUCK at framing photos well, but to see the dancing photos from that night, check out Daniela’s photo set. I could not stop laughing seeing some of those photos!)
(And! Jennie captured video of us dancing to MJ!)
Also, I was motorboated like a billion times at the gay bar by a couple of the bloggers from our group. I told a story at dinner, earlier, that night of how I went to a strip club with Stephen, his dad, my brother, cousins and various coworkers and friends for Stephen’s bachelor party and what went HORRIBLY wrong with my outfit and involved some motorboating. LONG SENTENCE FAIL. But, it was pretty spectacular. I won’t name names unless they want to be outed! (I’d hinted about this story on my 13 Things post. Daniela took photos of me telling the story.)
We danced so much that we were all SWEATY. And when I say sweaty, I mean SWEATY:
(Look at Liz all composed and lovely and OBNOXIOUS, SWEATY WHITNEY RUINING THE MOMENT)

(And then Emily, Liz and I with our mouths wide open for some reason, still sweaty)

**
I will say that I was very sad to go in the morning. And very sore from dancing.

Last weekend was nothing short of amazing. It sounds so cliche, but I can’t sum up them any better, each and every woman was so beautiful and I feel honored to have shared laughter, conversation and TIME with them all. It wasn’t enough time, of course, but there’s always next year. I found 15 new blogs to follow (get on that, Shelby!), met people who were even more amazing outside of their blogs and formed friendships with people I never would have met otherwise. And that was the single greatest thing about this weekend. Now, if I can just convince everyone to move their lives to dinky Idaho and live near me among the Mormons.

Of course, I still didn’t do this weekend justice, but if you want to read the posts that did, go here, here, here, here, here, here, here (um, SOB), here, here and here. (HOLY CARPAL TUNNEL, DID I FORGET ANYONE?)

The Blathering was nothing short of amazing. I can’t do it justice right this moment, however, because I came home Sunday night to a house full of pizza boxes, dirty socks, dirty bathrooms and ink stains all over our BRANDY-NEW couch. But my baby boy smiled when he saw me and my husband couldn’t stop hugging me or kissing me, so life is pretty damn good, dirty socks and all.

I’ll post a full recap of the weekend soon, but I just wanted to say that going to Sacramento was one of the best decisions I ever made and I am completely grateful for Steve insisting I go and I am SO grateful for all of the lovely, inspiring and hilarious women I had the extreme pleasure of meeting.

(Minus Natalie, Shelby and Anne)

I haven’t mentioned it on here, yet and only on Twitter a few times, but this Friday I am flying out to Sacramento for The Blathering to meet all of these lovely women and drink wine, of course. I only decided a week and a half ago, after Stephen talked me to into it.

So, if we’ll be meeting this weekend, or ever, here are thirteen things of necessary importance.

1. I’m very tall (almost 6′) and it tends to make me a little awkward. I trip/fall A LOT. No liquor needed. Feel free to point and laugh. Just don’t expect to see me in heels this weekend!

2. Okay, politics have been mentioned and I have to say, I typically vote conservatively. But! I feel no need to talk politics this weekend, or EVER AGAIN. If someone brings it up in conversation to me, I might have to bust out this Working Closet move on Elizabeth’s DINING ROOM table. Because that would solidify the awkwardness of that moment.

3. I tend to ogle older men. And by older, I mean AARP members. Not going to lie, I totally had a crush on George Bush. (I was fourteen and the crush was mostly shallow.) So if we happen to be out and there are older men nearby, please do not be alarmed if I stare. Actually, this is kind of strange given that I married Stephen who, is two years older, but looks 15.

4. I’ve lived in California, Colorado, Florida, New York, South Carolina, Virginia, New Hampshire, Vermont and Idaho and yet, I do not have an accent. Ply me with something delicious and alcoholic, however, and it’s a toss-up between Southern and New England.

5. I tend to slur my words without liquor. Especially when I get excited about something and start talking really fast. If you catch me doing this, please tell me to slooooooow dowwwwwwwn.

6. I stay up late. If you ever gander at the time-stamp on my tweets, you’ll see that it is not unusual for me to be awake and semi-coherent at 1, 2, 3 AM. I’m usually watching trashy reality television that I’ve DVRed or the Home Shopping Network. But because I’m sharing a hotel room, I will try my best to go to sleep when my roomie does.

7. I’m not five-months pregnant; that gut is just leftovers from May. Or possibly caused by the eating habits I’ve yet to discard since pregnancy.

8. My arms have white patches on them and I feel I need to disclose the reason to you before you see me and run, thinking I’ve some FLESH EATING DISEASE. I actually have Vitiligo and it causes me to lose pigmentation in patches on my skin. Yes, it’s the Michael Jackson skin disease. I’m not sure if that means I’m cool or not.

9. I’m not a shy person, ever, but I predict I will initially be very quiet upon meeting you all. Mostly because I’m so excited to meet each and every one of you and I’ve definitely blog-crushed you. But don’t let that fool you!

10. I love to take photos of people. It’s likely that I’ll want to take yours. If you do not want me to take your photo, please let me know. And no worries, I will only post the HAWT ones.

11. This is my first time away from my four-month old son. And, I’m basically around the kid 24/7, so while a weekend away sounds thrilling, it also makes me mildly hysterical. If I start crying at the mention of babies, blame it on that and the hormones I’ve yet to shed.

12. I cannot dance or sing well at all. So if Karaoke does come into play, I will definitely partake but I won’t provide ear plugs.

13. I can hold my liquor very well. I don’t say that to incite competition (but, oh, I can totally BRING IT if that’s the case), but more so you know that my outrageous behavior is actually me being me, not me being inebriated Whitney. However, liquor can take credit for the 30 strangers (also my father-in-law) who ACCIDENTALLY saw my boobs. Funny story involving three strippers, I’ll have to tell you!

I am working on the second installment of mine and Steve’s story, but I keep hitting a few writer roadblocks, so instead, I really want to draw your attention to the things I am totally loving right now.

1. These earrings. I saw them in person yesterday and after hemming and hawing (my cheapy tendencies), I’m going back to purchase them. Actually, the jeans from this store fit me great, too, and they easily come in my inseam (35-37), so if you’re a giant like me, I suggest you try a pair.

2. Tabasco Green Pepper Sauce.. I don’t know about you, but I cannot stand it when people put so much hot sauce on food to the point that you can’t even taste the food anymore – your mouth is THAT hot. I’m actually not a fan of Tabasco in the first place, but this stuff rocks my world! I put it on my eggs, in my gravy, as part of a salad dressing, steak marinade…the options are almost endless. It’s a mild hot, but also adds a great flavor!

3. BLTs. No link necessary. I love the simplicity of them and the fact that the main ingredient is BACON. I use Miracle whip as well (yeah, yeah, whatever) and I love the extra tang it adds to the sandwich. And BACON. BACON BACON BACON!

4. Food blogs. I’ve recently discovered Tartlette, Cannelle et Vanille and Matt Bites. I highly recommend them, for their recipes and the beautiful photography.

5. Playlists. My current workout playlist revolves almost completely around Queen’s music (Bicycle Race, Killer Queen and Don’t Stop Me Now) and while those songs totally inspire me, I could use some more songs to add. What songs get your blood pumping?

I was going through some of the media equipment we brought with us from Vermont and I found a lost little memory card. I put the card into my computer and saw TONS of photos from Stephen’s 2006-2007 deployment to Iraq. And, for the sake of not having anything creative to say, I’m posting them here, with small captions. Click through to see them all.

Stephen as they were heading on the bus to leave. Look at what a baby he is! He looks maybe 15, but he’d just turned 21.

Stephen in the front row, the only one looking at the camera. This must have been one of the going away ceremonies. Their ACU (uniforms) changed while he was overseas.

This is all the new ACU, the one the Army currently uses, along with some of his equipment.

Stephen’s Unit (he is the only filthy one, standing, with bright red hair and sunglasses).

Out on patrol.

Broken. These are the types of things Stephen fixes, his MOS is Heavy-Wheeled Mechanic (diesel).

Hahah, not sure what this is about, but there you go!

Cute!

Haha, another not sure what this is about photo.

This is where they lived when they were transitioning to return home.

On the plane ride home. Look how skinny he is! This is what he looked like when I met him. Since then, I’ve put 20 pounds on him. In muscle, mostly.

Here he is, now…except PINK (he insists RED) MOHAWK edition!

If you want to see the rest of the set, go here.

1. DO NOT BUY THIS PRODUCT

If you’re friends with me on Facebook, you’re probably sick of hearing what I’m having for dinner every night. It’s usually steak with some kind of roasted potatoes and asparagus or another veggie. Or a homemade mac and cheese. I made the mistake of buying this last week to use in situations where I am too lazy to stand in front of my 450-degree stove in 90-degree weather, constantly checking my potatoes or steak. So two nights ago, I made it. The verdict? ICK. Too salty and virtually NO flavor. Honestly, “ham included?!” Seriously? I think I turned my brain off for this one. “Real cheddar cheese!” I’m sure you’ve enough sense to see that I was definitely misguided in my dinner choices that night. I ended up making steaks, sauteed eggplant and rice at midnight.

2. We went to the Idaho State Fair on Friday night. The $5 per person admission pretty much paid for the opportunity to see some epically awesome mullets. One guy had a mullet that reached halfway down his back, another had rainbow stripes throughout his. Oh, and FAIR FOOD. Nom nom. Tornado potatoes, tiger’s ears, pulled pork wraps, turkey legs, corn on the cob…. I mean, I could go on and on. Delicious. We went with that couple we met on Craigslist. Here they are:

The husband paid for Steve to ride this bicycle:

Basically, all the gears were switched around so when you turned the handlebars right, the bike when left. If you succeeded in riding it ten feet, you were paid $50. Steve… well, he didn’t succeed. He made it a foot:

3. While at the fair, the other couple took a photo of Stephen and I. For some random reason, I have a lazy eye, which kind of ruined this picture for me, though I like it anyway (Steve looks a bit psychotic, which just adds some special spice to the photo):

4. I can’t be sure, but I think I’ve lost some weight. Looking at my wedding photos and now, my face is thinner. My stomach doesn’t seem as flabby. I don’t have a scale, but I have been trying to lose weight in ways here and there.

5. I stepped foot into a gym for the first time since…um, 2005? YEAH. Soak that in for a moment. Four years. Anyway, I managed to do NINE MILES. And then I forgot that I lived on a third floor apartment and I can’t lie, it may have taken me 10 minutes to walk up all those stairs.

6. Of all the Foot Network chef’s, I have to say I use Giada’s recipes the most, because I’ve had the most success with her recipes. I recommend the parmesan-crusted pork chops, cheesy baked tortellini, stuffed mushrooms (but I add bacon!) and fried ravioli. You’re welcome.

7. My (balding) kid looks just like his father, except more adorable:

8. I LOVE this photo from the wedding after-party. It’s my mom and Steve’s stepmom, wearing the groomsmen hats, dancing to Baby Got Back:

9. Click through to my flickr to see this video of Stephen, Dublin and I. You will witness/hear: Dublin’s regular chatty voice (I’m serious, he does this ALL THE TIME), my shirtless husband and some of his tattoos, my kid being lazy, my obnoxious, stuffed-up laughing and talking and my dining room which conveniently has no furniture (other than Dublin’s swing and our camp chair for our desk).

I’ve struggled to figure out how exactly to write this post. It’s a post I’ve wanted to a do for a while, but just didn’t have the time or opportunity. Now that we’re approaching the one-month anniversary of our marriage, I feel like I should explain our story. There are a few juicy bits I never mentioned…

A while back, when I mentioned our upcoming wedding, I received an email from someone who regularly comments on my blog. She asked if things had improved between Stephen and I, and you know what? I immediately felt guilty.

When Stephen and I first met, it was instant-attraction on both sides. However, we were met with quite a few obstacles. We lived about an hour apart, I was one month fresh of an awful breakup and…well, Stephen had a girlfriend. That last one was pretty much the biggest issue, considering he’d been with her, on and off, for around three years. Their relationship wasn’t a great one. Things had happened on both sides solely to cause pain to the other. It proved to be very tumultuous while Stephen was in Iraq for a year and a half, with both committing egregious acts to cause the other pain. I think his ex said it best when she told me in an email, “right from the beginning of our relationship, things weren’t right. It was always awkward, confusing, and neither of us had the balls to admit so. Our way out was doing horrible things to each other.” I’m not saying what either of them did was right and I won’t name any specifics, but the relationship wasn’t healthy.

The night I met Stephen, I sensed that he wasn’t single. And when I confronted him, he told me he was single. In email conversations to Heather a few days after I’d met him, we properly coined the nickname, “DB” for Stephen. There’s still a tag dedicated to “DB” in fact, it was how I referred to him on my blog. The DB was because the morning after I’d met Stephen, I found out through a few channels that he did have a girlfriend. And I called him out on it. I wasn’t overly attached to Stephen, I’ll admit. Sure, I’d never experienced such a pull towards another person, but I had only known him like 20 hours. I was annoyed, but I didn’t let it bother me. He admitted it to me when called out, but I wasn’t letting him off the hook for lying that easy.

In discussing with Heather how I could blog about him, we decided DB was suitable enough and I used it in my very first blog post about him. I used it on twitter quite a bit, too. The only ones who knew exactly what it stood for were Heather and I, so when Stephen commented on that blog post, using the DB handle, I couldn’t help but laugh. What did DB stand for?

Douchebag.

Yes, my first nickname for my now-husband was Douchebag. Why? Because he was! The morning after, when I called him out on having a girlfriend, he admitted fully and I said I just was not down with that. He proceeded to try and have dates me with all that following week. I didn’t budge, until Thursday, when I went to his friend’s house for an impromptu wii bowling party. The entire time, I wanted so badly to snuggle with him, but he was a taken guy. I was NOT down with that. I didn’t want to be THAT girl. When I left that night, things were fairly unresolved. I told him I pretty much couldn’t be around him, not with the whole girlfriend drama going on. So I left that night, fully expecting to never hear from him again. I was sitting in the McDonalds parking lot at 2 AM, listening to Queen and eating cold French fries, trying to be okay with the whole thing. I made it home, went to bed and woke up the next day, Friday, went to work then home. I received a phone call from a fellow Vermonter who had found me through my blog, who I had been talking to for a few weeks. He was much older than me, but had his shit together, ie: NO GIRLFRIEND. We were making plans to meet up the following day for a luncheon, after I’d stalled meeting him long enough. And then call-waiting kicked in, guess who it was? Stephen.

I answered and he asked me to meet him at his friend’s house to talk. So I went.

To be continued…. Including how I dated the older blogger and Stephen on the same night….

August 2009

Originally uploaded by barbetti

Ignore my nasal-y voice. I’m sick, but I felt compelled to share this video. We’re nerds, I know.

***You might have to click the August 2009 to get this video to work. I had to. ****